I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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