Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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