If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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