i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You took a bar mat shot.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
