Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
did you just send me my own nude
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
