You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
