only you would photoshop your dick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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