shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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