The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
