it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
