she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
