Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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