Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
