the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
