Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
