The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
