Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
