I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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