You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
