Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
