some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Panties = found
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
