If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
