All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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