I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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