i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
