I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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