She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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