therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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