What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
