I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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