I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
