You smell like stripper and shame
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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