If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
