She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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