Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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