I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
