why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
