There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
