You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
