My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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