So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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