i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
this hospital has no fireball
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
