We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Someone shit on the floor
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
