Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
