Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
