your room smells of hookers.
And success
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
