You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Who died my cat blue again?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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