Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
