just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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