i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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