so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
