Non-Jews are for practice
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
