sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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