DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
