My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
