I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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