You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
