he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
