you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
